I had intended to read this myself, but I have no voice…
This year has been really really tough in many ways. Struggling with the study due to the amount of time it actually took me to do it, finding it really difficult to raise finances – regularly only having £5 or less in my bank account has really helped me to understand how money is a gift from God and how to use it wisely, even though that can be tough. Battling with various health issues, and finally being given a diagnosis of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder!
This year has been a struggle, and for once not with my Depression, but at times with my Anxiety and OCD really getting in the way of things, as they are expressed in the form of stress, perfection, worry and being particular. It’s been a struggle to learn to lean on God in every way.
You may, or may not have noticed I have certain pencil cases for certain pens, or that even when I feel really ill I feel like I can’t miss a session, or that I have a certain way of doing things and worry about really small and insignificant things, I have some stupid irrational fears and all of that is manifested from my Anxiety and OCD. But I think God is really showing me this year that it’s okay to be me. He created me the way I am and loves me for me.
I’ve slowly been learning that it’s okay for me to take longer to do my work or study if it’s done to the best of my ability. It’s okay for me to have particular pencil cases for particular pencils. It’s okay that I like to do things in a certain way. And It’s okay to just be me.
This year has really helped me build upon my Anxiety and OCD and learn to use them instead of hiding from them. Gods shown that while I may have multiple panic attacks before giving a talk, when I’m giving the talk, presentation, or bible study He will work through me and all I say is from Him. Gods brought through and shown that my passion for helping people can still be used even with these disorders because my illnesses and disorders are not my identity.
Identity has been a huge theme of this year, I’ve been to multiple talks and listened to many podcasts and talks on Identity. And what I’m learning completely and wholeheartedly this year, is that my identity is in Christ Alone. My identity is NOT my multiple health problems or Mental Health issues. And My identity is NOT in my profession or my job, while I can say I’m working towards being a qualified Lawyer, that is not my identity.
My identity is in Christ Alone.
I’ve also been asked many times this year by many different people what am I going to do with my law degree, when am I doing my LPC or the BPTC, even by multiple Christians I’ve been asked this, because the legal profession is ridiculously competitive.
I got into law because I like helping people and making someone else’s day just that little bit better. And now I can say I’m using my degree to go on a study something so Niche you probably didn’t know it was even a sector of law! Canon/ Ecclesiastical Law. God has shown me that I am able to serve Him in the church, working with the church, and for the church, while also pursing career in Law.
My year on Relay has been a mess, through many different reasons, but I’m proud to come out of it closer to God, with some amazing friends and a new family. Looking forward to the future where I can share what I’ve learnt with my future husband and our family, where I can serve in full time ministry still and also continue working towards getting my legal qualifications, and a future where I can love and enjoy spreading the word of God in where ever I end up.
I look forward to seeing where all of you guys end up too, I know He has some awesome plans for each and every one of you and I cannot wait to see them blossom and bloom!
I’m not ready to leave Aber, it’s been four years, its my home, my heart and where my family are.
Aber is where I feel Hiraeth most and will always be where I grew closest to Jesus. (and I also don’t want to go back to England, but you know, I have to!)
Thank you guys, for a wonderful year, I could not have gotten through it without friends and family like you.
I love you!